I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
