This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
