I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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