she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
