You're so nebulous sometimes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
