garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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