my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Randomize
