i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
