my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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