Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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