She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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