She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
