I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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