So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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