apparently the secret to your success is patron
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
