Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
