just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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