We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
