I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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