Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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