My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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