i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
