The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
