I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
