Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
