But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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