Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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