I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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