I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
