I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
