we made out on top of his cat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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