i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
