She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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