Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
