my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
