so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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