Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
