you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
