Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
