So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
