at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drake has all the answers
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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