If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
