Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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