He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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