Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
