I have demons in me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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