enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
