Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
