47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
