We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
