More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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